Kamina
From Userpedia
“Kick reason to the curb and do the impossible!”
—Kamina
Kamina is the center and namesake of the religion Kaminaism. He is the 'head honcho' of a trilogy of super god-like beings alongside Phoenix Wright and Haruhi Suzumiya (who aren't important enough to get their own articles). He created the universe with his two partners, and controls most aspects of the universe using badass power. Phoenix Wright keeps justice in the universe and objects to anything unjust and just plain wrong, like the dinosaurs, while Haruhi Suzumiya bends reality with her mind making things more peaceful and cool. But being gods, they're very busy, so things in the world are still pretty lame and corrupted.
Contents |
History
Beginning
Using his simply awesome badass power, Kamina made himself exist out of nowhere, and created the universe with Phoenix Wright and Haruhi Suzumiya, who also made themselves exist out of nowhere using awesome badass power. Suzumiya played a huge part in making the impossible possible using her reality bending powers, while Phoenix Wright objected to the existance of anything super amazingly dangerous that Suzumiya may have created; The most well-known example of this are the dinosaurs, which he thought were too dangerous to exist any longer than they did. But rumour has it he just thought the dominant species of the universe should be more like him and his buddies, who were all human...ish creatures.
Negligence, rebellion, and Kamina's death
Kamina lives
However, Kamina managed to use what little badass power he had left to make himself exist again, but this time as a ghost, which made him even more badass than before, but he prefered to be a ghost so didn't switch back to a physical form. He watched Simon as he matured and successfully saved the human race from a bunch of shapeless omnipotent mutant humans that could control virtually everything, but he only managed to do that with the badass power Kamina gave him when Simon and all his buddies were trapped in a realistic dream world that the shapeless mutants created.
Ace Attorney
End of the League of Gods
Suzumiya got sick of being the only god left when there was far too much stress on her taking care of every last detail of the universe, and retired, leaving the universe to fend for itself, which only lead to disaster. It's why George W. Bush became president, Sonic R came to exist, Britney Spears became popular, the communist regime became a dictatorship, the capitalist economy collapsed, and Brokencyde came to exist. You see, humans are idiots, so they can't get by very well by themselves without badass powers. And the people with spiral power are either all dead or are too f-cking sadistic to help the world.
Aftermath
Kaminaists today are continuing to wait for the return and reunion of the trio of gods who will undoubetedly give the world peace and redemption via badass power. Whenever a Kaminaist calls on the name of Kamina, Kamina, being a ghost and all that, temporarily gives them super awesome badass power that gives them a 100% in all statistics. But they aren't omnipotent or anything, since Kamina has learned the destructive power of several people being able to bend reality.
The Gods
Kamina
Kamina was the head honcho of the original trio of gods, and the most powerful of them all, having the strongest badass life force and power of the three gods, being able to control virtually every last detail of the universe. However, his carelessness (such as driving Simon's drill-topped Lagann mecha through the head of his Ganmen mecha which made him look f-cking retarded), overconfidence (he thinks he and Simon can do anything, which they sorta can, but still), slight insanity (he thought he could single-handedly kill a GIANT MECHA with nothing but a sword. I mean, c'mon), and general idiocy (I mean, really, he doesn't even know how to write) occasionally causes serious problems. But being the badass god he is, he always finds a way to fix his mistakes, cuz he's just that awesome and considerate.
Being the strongest of the gods, Kamina can do most anything, including making himself exist out of nowhere. But in his physical Earth form, he's significantly less powerful than his god or ghost-god forms, but still has a great range of awesomely powerful badass powers such as How Dare You Touch My Cute Ganmen Punch and Who Do You Think I Am Kick, as well as posessing a f-cking long sword and a huge Ganmen mecha that he fuses with Simon's Lagann mecha to create the unbelievably awesome Gurren Lagann mecha shown in the picture on the right. However, in this Earthly humanoid state, he was more susceptible to death, which allowed Phoenix Wright to object to his existance, but he was too badass to be kept dead, and came back as a ghost, but that was already mentioned earlier in the article.
He can also give Kaminaists and other people who believe in him a fair share of temporary badass power to make them super omega powerful. He continues to be a ghost to this day, and might be watching you right now as you read this article.
Phoenix Wright
The second-in-command of the gods who is more by-the-book and strict than the other ones, he believes everyone has to be super serious in order for peace and justice to be maintained in the universe, and blames the corruption in the world on his two partners who are known to be more fun. But he's just trying to do his job, so he's not a bad guy, he's just mean about the rules (like a certain group of users on this wiki). He's the most refined of the gods, wearing formal clothing and speaking all posh-like, but this is just a facade to look all mature and whatnot; He's actually very sarcastic and obnoxious, but he keeps those kinds of comments in his head. His role in the group is to object to anything that's not safe or unjust.
To that end, he has the unique ability to change the way something is by objecting to it, which includes, but is not limited to, making something that exists unexist. More powerful people and things or tricky cases normally take a lot of objecting before they are changed, however, the best example of this being when he killed Kamina by objecting to his existance, which he only really succeeded in doing cuz Kamina was weaker than usual in his Earthly form. Other than his ability to change things via objecting, he doesn't really have any other amazing abilities, and is a real wimp physically. When he was fired from being a god, his objection powers became weaker than usual, so he could no longer bend reality by objecting, but he could change the probability of an event, which he used to make trials go the way he wants them to, but because other lawyers have accidentally absorbed some of Wright's badass objection power, making things go EXACTLY the way he wants them to is difficult.
Haruhi Suzumiya
The last-in-command of the gods, but definitely not the least important of them (to avoid accusations of sexism), Suzumiya is the only female in the league and has the ability to bend reality with her mind. She created much of the universe, but didn't want to look after it so much cuz of how much work it was to create it in the first place so asked Kamina to regulate and look after the universe, which he did out of the goodness of his heart. Being a teenage girl, she is much more immature than the other two (well, Wright anyway. Kamina is pretty much a kid inside), so occasionally creates very dangerous things like the dinosaurs, but Wright objects to the existance of anything dangerous she creates. But that doesn't mean she isn't smart or doesn't have common-sense, especially when compared to Kamina, cuz she's probably the most sane and intelligent of the gods, being a woman and all.
When she retired from being a god, her reality bending powers became limited to her sub-conscious, so she can now only change the world in her dreams or something. In recent years she can be seen in high school shown in the picture on the right, even tho she already knows everything about everything that did and ever will exist.
Also, Purple Yoshi is in love with her, how hot is that?
Other Important Figures in Kaminaism
Simon
“Your drill shall pierce the heavens!”
—Kamina about Simon
Simon, otherwise known as Simon the Digger, was Kamina's bestest buddy on Earth whose drill shall pierce the heavens. He was sort of a dreamer that loved to dig, and soon wound up becomming a good friend of Kamina's when they got trapped in a tunnel that caved-in, and Simon used his drill to dig a way out. It was then that Kamina knew Simon has power and that his drill shall pierce the heavens, and always believed Simon would be the one to save the Earth instead of Kamina himself. Then one day a giant Ganmen mecha crashed into their underground city thingy and Kamina tried to fight it with nothing but a sword while Simon went to find the Lagann mecha he found earlier. It was here that they met the big-busted and very tsundere girl Yoko, and together they destroyed the giant mecha and made it to the surface of Earth where they staged a rebellion against all the beastmen dudes, making lots of friends and allies along the way. After Kamina died, Simon converted to Emoism for a short while, but with help from his new moe "girlfriend" Nia Teppelin - who also happens to be the daughter of Lord Genome - he became a happy and confident Kaminaist again whose drill shall pierce the heavens. In fact, he became so confident he was considered the second coming of Kamina to many, and he eventually "killed" Lord Genome and saved the world, but not before he was warned by Genome that the Earth would be destroyed when one million monkeys live on the surface.
Seven years later, Simon is now the king of Earth and in a relationship with Nia, with his war buddies we mentioned before being members of his government thingy... Except for Yoko, who went all emo and left the group to become a teacher for a bunch of kids on a nowhere island.
But that doesn't have a lot to do with Kaminaism, does it? Simon was considered one of the best examples of what a Kaminaist should be like - Powerful, confident, strong-willed, motivated, smart, and simply badass. Simon was so devout as a Kaminaist that he was to be the next-in-line to the god throne when all of Kamina's buddies retired, which he never wound up inheriting for some reason. However, one thing that was dissapointing in him was his star glasses which were just gay and not badass AT ALL.
His drill shall pierce the heavens.
Uniju
Uniju is quite possibly the flagship figure of modern Kaminaism, being the one to bring it back to light and popularizing it among the underground Unijuist sub-culture. He was one of the last awesome Kaminaist figures to teach the true meaning and morals of Kaminaism without distorting any of it, and helped the religion get back on its feet after many years of ridicule and dismissal, which actually didn't last long since everyone still hates Kaminaism and everyone involved in the religion, the maggots. He preached the word of [the] gods across the Wiki world for many years replicating Simon's world travels many many many many MANY years ago, except that Uni actually DID something with his life during these travels rather than just dissappearing to nowhere to never be seen again cuz Uni wasn't all emo like his forego-er.
However, eventually Uni got sick of travelling the world so much and decided to retire from being a Kaminaist priest to spend more time with his basement lolis, and hired Black Hole Sun as his successor. Today, Uni can be seen hanging around lame places, being all awesome and making said lame places more awesome, but because the lame places like being lame they ban Uni for being awesome which has inspired the aforementioned Unijuist culture to rise up and keep Uni's badass Kaminaist spirit going.
Black Hole Sun
Upon Uniju's retirement from a Kaminaist priest, Black Hole Sun was hired by Uni to travel the world and the seven seas to make people Kaminaists. BHS, who trained his entire life for this moment, was very eager to preach the word of [the] gods and hurried to all the four corners of the world to make people believe what he believed, but no one was interested because they knew it involved Uniju and no one likes being part of something that involves Uniju cuz they're jerks. Desperate to accomplish his given mission to make Kaminaism more popular, BHS came to Userpedia and made a very long and very lame article about everything Kaminaism is about and all it stands for that eventually became one of the most popular and loved articles on the Wiki. While this failed to attract more people to the cult it did induce an increasing interest in Kaminaism among a number of users and it is now garnering a lot more attention in recent years because people on the Wiki were being smart for once.
BHS continues to be a very busy travelling priest today, which is why we couldn't get an official picture of him to use here. So just enjoy a picture of BHS' adorable assistant/secretary Presea Combatir.
Kirby
This article or section is under construction. Therefore, please excuse its informal appearance while it's being worked on. We hope to have it completed as soon as possible.
One of the living figures in Kaminaism, Kirby is a spokesperson for Kaminaism around the Pop Star area, which is why The Good King Dedede - who is a Dededeist - hates him. Kirby, however, is plagued with being way too cute to be able to use badass power, so is stuck with using minimal spiral power, but that doesn't make him any less devout. Due to everyone caring more about Earth than any other planet, Kirby isn't as well-known as other Kaminaist figures.
Other less important nobodies
Other less important nobodies include Yoko Littner, Master Lucario, Gimmy Aday, Viral, and Santa Claus (whose actually evil). Being less important nobodies, they will not be detailed here unless one of them decides to write more about themselves here.
Now enjoy the gallery of said nobodies:
 Insert sly fan service joke here. |
 Sketchy. |
 Not the best picture of Gimmy, but it's the best we could find... |
 Viral is so badass he can live forever! |
 Santa Claus and his lesser known robot elf guy. He's actually evil, yo. |
 A very unimportant nobody |
Kaminaist-related powers
Badass power
The official power of Kaminaism that Kamina, Phoenix Wright, and Haruhi Suzumiya all possessed that gave them their super abilities. Badass power is extroadinarily powerful and awesome, even allowing the three gods to create themselves. Other abilities it gives people are omnipotency, reality-bending (each of the gods have this ability in their own unique way, tho; Haruhi is the only one with TRUE reality-bending), immortality, immortality breaching, as well as most basic superhuman abilities. The gods can also turn themselves into a humanoid form on Earth, but this significantly drains their badass power, so they're much weaker as semi-mortal beings.
Kamina, now being the only one of the three gods who's still any kind of real god, is the only one who can grant temporary badass power to Kaminaists and others that believe into him, but never gives them full omnipotency because it's much too dangerous and he's not so stupid anymore now that he's a ghost-god.
Bullsh-t power
An opposing force to badass power, this power was created and maintained in 1992 by Rudnicki to combat Kaminaism. It is a very dangerous power to even possess, and almost always destroys the minds of anyone who has it, which is why Rudnicki went stupid, insane, and INCREDIBLY dangerous. Bullsh-t power fell into the underground after Rudnicki's ban, but has recently been revived through Peachycakes 3.14, ChaosNinji, and to a much greater extent Walkazo, which led to their inevitable turn to evil and insanity. Bullsh-t power gives its holders amazing argument skills either by actual debates or just through non-sensical blurts that somehow manage to make sense. They also gain probability manipulation and, if honed enough, reality-bending powers, but no one has become that strong yet, thank Kamina.
Manfred von Karma somehow came to possess bullsh-t power and used it to cheat his way through all his cases, before becomming so powerful that he eventually won every last trial case he prosecuted, except for one trial against Gregory Edgeworth in which he discovered forged evidence by Karma, which only made Karma more insane than before, but he didn't really lose the case as it didn't end in "NOT GUILTY", so he was whining over nothing. Several years later, he wound up opposing Wright in a several year old case over wether Wright's buddy Miles Edgeworth was a killer or not, but in the end his bullsh-t power was't strong enough to defeat Wright's badass power, and he lost when it was discovered that it was all set up by von Karma to get revenge on Gregory for breaking his winning streak and Edgeworth for accidentally shooting Karma in the shoulder. Karma then officially lost his winning streak, went totally insane, and got sent to prison. After this, the bullsh-t power he possessed became significantly less powerful, but eventually found its way to Karma's daughter Franziska von Karma, but it overlooked the fact that Franziska is a total moron.
Bullsh-t power still exists today, and due to it being extremely good at hiding, not many people are very aware of its existance, so it continues to influence the world in a very bad way under everyone's nose.
Spiral power
A natural power that Suzumiya accidentally created that became so awesome that it became extremely hard to detect, and Wright missed it in every last one of his objection inspections. Lord Genome eventually discovered the power and used it to become omnipotent and create an army of things called beastmen creatures to keep him company, but he also had a handful of human buddies. Spiral power can only be used by DNA-based animals with the double helix molecular structure, giving them super powers and making each new generation stronger than the last. But then a bunch of shapeless mutant humans all of a sudden thought that spiral power was unnecessarily powerful, and therefore dangerous, and distorted spiral power into anti-spiral power, making themselves super omnipotent and engaged in a very long war against the beastmen that they dubbed 'spiral beings'. In the end the beastmen lost, and Genome escaped to Earth where he sealed all the humans underground cuz the anti-spirals would kill all humans and other spiral beings when their population reaches one million, which they deemed was too much and too powerful.
After a long story that won't be detailed here, Kamina, now a ghost, gave Simon and all his buddies super badass power when they were trapped in a dream world, allowing Simon to kill the king shapeless mutant that was making them all suffer, therefore saving spiral energy and all spiral beings. However, most people that were able to actually use spiral energy are now dead, so spiral energy has sunk out of the mainstream.
Impact
Kaminaism isn't a very popular religion, being frowned upon and ridiculed by most of the Wiki community. Well-known Kaminaists are Black Hole Sun, Shyguy27, Uniju (considered the guy who made the religion popular in the first place), Master Lucario, Konata Izumi, and perhaps Snack. The Kaminaist cult will appear in Master Wikians.
